Friday, January 14, 2011


Sara Ann
 Our guest writer today is Sara Ann, who is wise far beyond her years, and who also has a fun sense of humor. Sara Ann is the creator of the Pork on A Fork blog at Although slightly intimidated by the thought of being one of the youngest observational humor bloggers at only 17, she takes pride in her sense of humor. Sara currently lives in Connecticut, where she enjoys dancing, writing, photography, and music.


Caroline's cat
I need to do some major self-improvement this year, not because I’m a bad person, but because I’m completely lazy, unmotivated, and obsessed with my cats awesome. So I’m starting a list of things I need to change this year, including successfully going at least one day without getting distracted by trending topics on the Yahoo! Home page, which is debatable. I’ll try though, because anything that will help me stop being such a strange lunatic with severe ADD and an obsession with unicorns is something worth trying.
Here’s what I have so far: 

1. Get a Life

Very broad topic, I know. This goal for me, in other words, means “stop watching reruns of George Lopez until four o’clock in the morning; quit spending hours watching cats play keyboards and ride turtles on Youtube, and make friends.” I’m not really sure how to go about doing this, but I’m thinking Google will solve all of my problems.

2. Stop Getting Taller

I’m taller than half of the guys I go to school with, and the vast majority of my friends. I buy new pants and they turn into capris six months later. I’m not sure how to stop myself from growing, but I’m thinking of asking God very nicely if I can stay 5’9’’ and then help some elderly women cross the street, and give bowls of tomato soup to homeless people, so maybe God will do me a favor and make me stop getting taller. Maybe then, people will stop calling me “giraffe” and “Yeti” and “tall girl who’s obsessed with dinosaurs.”
3. Graduate

Okay, so this isn’t such a huge goal, since I’m halfway through my Senior year of high school and have no grades lower than a B-. However, the temptation of Google compels me, and I have to constantly make the decision to do French homework rather than waste my time Googling Keyboard Cat and ducks and potatoes. A good part of this goal would probably be to do my Math homework at home, rather than in the middle of class five minutes before I hand it in.

4. Get Better At Making New Year’s Resolutions

I realize that as far as New Year’s Resolutions go, mine suck. I’m not very good at this. I also realize that “Stop Getting Taller” is a horrible goal for the New Year. I could probably come up with some better goals, like “be a better person,” but there’re just so many things that could fit into that category. It’s a lot of thinking for me.

Sara, Thanks for sharing your unique take on life and the New Year.


Caroline Clemmons said...

Sara Ann, thanks for sharing today.

Vince said...

Hi Sara Ann:

If you could just grow one or two inches taller, you could be a model. You’d have lots of friends (to wisely choose from) and instead of New Year’s Resolutions, you’d be busy achieving your goals. Besides, anyone who can do their math assignments five minutes before the class ends, is a genius. You could do your own accounting.

BTW: there are a lot of tall men in the outside world and they will see you across a crowded room as someone who is outstanding. Being tall is something you have to grow into. But once there, you won’t want to give it up.

(6' 2" and old enough to be your grandfather.)

Sara said...

Caroline- Thank you very much for letting me be a guest!

Vince- Thanks! I've thought of that, actually, but it's pretty expensive at times, and seeing as I have no job, and no money, it was sort of cancelled out for the time being. And yes, usually being tall is okay with me, unless I'm around the majority of my friends, who are 5'1''. Haha!