A Writer's Life....Caroline Clemmons: FUN AROUND THE USA FOR THE FOURTH!

We live in a great country, but lets don't take ourselves too seriously on this holiday weekend. Sure, I'm as proud of our country as the next person, but I thought at this time when everyone is high on being patriotic we might have enjoy poking fun at some of our country's outdated laws. Some of these may have been repealed, but most haven't because they've never been challenged. some make you wonder at the reason they were put into law. Others make you wonder who's checking.

Ready for a smile?

Alabama
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time. (this is not the only state with this law!)

Alaska
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

Arizona
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. (Not clear is this is cannot or may not.)

Arkansas
The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. (In case of flood, does someone try to arrest Mother Nature?)
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.

California
Women may not drive in a house coat.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.

Colorado
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.

Connecticut
In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce. (Jacquie Rogers needs to know this for her Facebook group, The Pickle Barrel Bar and Gazette.)

Delaware
“R” rated movies shall not be shown at drive-in theaters.

Florida
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
A special law prohibits and unmarried woman from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. (See Jacquie Rogers' fun story about this law, SINGLE GIRLS CAN'T JUMP, here for more smiles.)

Georgia
No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. (I told you)
It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.

Hawaii
You may only have one alcoholic drink in front of you at a time
Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears.

Idaho
You may not fish on a camel’s back. What's more, in the City of Boise, you may not fish from a giraffe's back.

Illinois
You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.

Indiana
The value of Pi is 3.(Math professors are shuddering.)
If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.

Iowa
A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
One-armed piano players must perform for free.
Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.

Kansas
The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed. (Think about it. This is not the only state with that law.)

Kentucky
One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.

Louisiana
It is illegal to gargle in public places.
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.

Maine
You may not step out of a plane in flight.
After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.

Massachusetts
It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.
A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.
No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.

Michigan
It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.

Minnesota
The land of 10,000 lakes declares mosquitos a public nuisance. (Here, here, I approve.)
It is illegal to stand around any building without a good reason to be there.
Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.
A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.

Mississippi
A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her.

Missouri
Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence in Columbus

Montana
It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.
It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.

Nebraska
It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.

Nevada
It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.

New Hampshire
You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.

New Jersey
It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder.

New Mexico
Idiots may not vote.
State officials ordered 400 words of “sexually explicit material” to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.

New York
Fine of $25 can be levied for flirting.
It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun.
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
New Yorkers cannot dissolve a marriage for irreconcilable differences, unless they both agree to it.

North Carolina
Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.

North Dakota
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.

Ohio
Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

Oklahoma
People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

Oregon
Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car.

Pennsylvania
A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.

Rhode Island
No one may bite off another's leg.

South Carolina
It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide.

South Dakota
No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.

Tennessee
More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel.
It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.

Texas
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.

Utah
It is a felony to persistently tread on the cracks between paving stones on the sidewalk of a state highway.

Vermont
Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.

Washington
The harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by a fine and/or imprisonment.
It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich.

West Virginia
Whistling underwater is prohibited.
Roadkill may be taken home for supper.

Wisconsin
State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese.